Panormous my ASS!

Awhile back, Pizza Hut introduced their Panormous pizza, which they call their largest pan pizza ever. I remember something seemed off in the commercial when it originally aired, and then last night I saw they started airing the commercials again. I have many bones to pick with Pizza Hut about this, and unfortunately, there are no decent quality videos of the commercial, so here’s the only one I could find:

Really, Pizza Hut?!

The first thing that jumps out at me, and the thing that always rubs me the wrong way, is how the Panormous logo is so obviously photoshopped onto the box. It’s obviously not really ON the box, and doesn’t move properly as they pass the box around.

Then, the announcer says, “A pizza so big, it never ends!”

REALLY!?!

It NEVER ends?! What an absolutely ridiculous statement to make. At some point, the pizza will be finished. It WILL end. You can tell by the size of the box in the commercial that it’s much smaller than most local pizza joints’ party size pizzas. Add that to the fact that it only has 16 pieces. 16!!! I could polish off 16 pieces of pizza in my sleep, yet these jackoffs can’t finish an entire Panormous pizza? I counted the people in the commercial. There are 18 people that appear. That pizza won’t even be enough for one slice each, yet they claim it never ends? Ridiculous. And then there’s that guy that says (even though if you count the people, he should be taking the last slice), “We are never gonna finish this!” What a dick.

And the silliest part of all? It’s not even ONE pizza! It’s 2 pizzas in one big box! So it shouldn’t say “Our biggest pan pizza ever!” on the box, it should say, “Our biggest box that contains pizza ever!” and then in fine print, “And it’s still smaller than most other pizza places’ largest available pizza”.

Gather ’round the good stuff, my ass. More like gather ’round the lying, hypocritical douchebags. Ya hear that, Queen Latifah? Stuff that in your pizza box and eat it.

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6 comments Add yours
  1. @Matt – The only thing I like about Pizza Hut is the lunch buffet, which I only have maybe once or twice a year. I never go to Pizza Hut, nor have I ever had a Panormous pizza, and I resent the implication that I have, sir.

    America’s favorite pizza…yeah, right. Don’t lump me in with the rest of the sheep, Pizza Hut!

  2. Hilarious!Really…I was wondering how big it really is and noticed that they do actually just put two pizza’s in one box and they look like two medium sized pizza’s not even a large!

  3. Does anyone know hat song they’re playing in the commercial. It’s the very end of some stupid pop song, but I can’t figure out what it is and now it’s become a ‘thing’…

    Help.

    B

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