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TAG: 00s tv commercials
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last exit
Billy Mays not here anymore
Forget Michael Jackson. A true icon passed away yesterday. And that icon is Billy Mays. He was also 50 years old. Not a good week for pop culture. With his unmistakable voice and jet black beard, Billy Mays tried to sell us all kinds of ridiculously wonderful products. And, to the best of my knowledge, he never beat the shit out of any hookers. Probably best known for pitching Oxi Clean and Orange Glo on TV, one of my personal favorites was the Simoniz Fix It scratch remover. He really made me believe in the magic of this product, even though I never bought it. Somehow I don’t think any other products will seem quite so exciting from this point on…R.I.P. Billy. You will truly be missed.
Tags: 00s tv commercials, beats up prostitute, billy mays, billy mays dead, icon, jet black beard, michael jackson, orange glo, oxi clean, pop culture icon, scratch remover, simoniz fix it, vince schlomi
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don't insult our intelligence
Panormous my ASS!
Awhile back, Pizza Hut introduced their Panormous pizza, which they call their largest pan pizza ever. I remember something seemed off in the commercial when it originally aired, and then last night I saw they started airing the commercials again. I have many bones to pick with Pizza Hut about this, and unfortunately, there are no decent quality videos of the commercial, so here’s the only one I could find:
Really, Pizza Hut?!
The first thing that jumps out at me, and the thing that always rubs me the wrong way, is how the Panormous logo is so obviously photoshopped onto the box. It’s obviously not really ON the box, and doesn’t move properly as they pass the box around.
Then, the announcer says, “A pizza so big, it never ends!”
It NEVER ends?! What an absolutely ridiculous statement to make. At some point, the pizza will be finished. It WILL end. You can tell by the size of the box in the commercial that it’s much smaller than most local pizza joints’ party size pizzas. Add that to the fact that it only has 16 pieces. 16!!! I could polish off 16 pieces of pizza in my sleep, yet these jackoffs can’t finish an entire Panormous pizza? I counted the people in the commercial. There are 18 people that appear. That pizza won’t even be enough for one slice each, yet they claim it never ends? Ridiculous. And then there’s that guy that says (even though if you count the people, he should be taking the last slice), “We are never gonna finish this!” What a dick.
And the silliest part of all? It’s not even ONE pizza! It’s 2 pizzas in one big box! So it shouldn’t say “Our biggest pan pizza ever!” on the box, it should say, “Our biggest box that contains pizza ever!” and then in fine print, “And it’s still smaller than most other pizza places’ largest available pizza”.
Gather ’round the good stuff, my ass. More like gather ’round the lying, hypocritical douchebags. Ya hear that, Queen Latifah? Stuff that in your pizza box and eat it.
Tags: 00s tv commercials, a pizza so big it never ends, gather 'round the good stuff, lying hypocritical douchebags, panormous, party size pizza, pizza hut, queen latifah, really
6 comments
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songspeak
You other sponges don’t want none unless you rock square buns
So last night I was watching Monday Night Raw, as usual. And then a commercial came on for Burger King that had my wife Jo in hysterics. It was for the new 99 cent kid’s meals with Spongebob Squarepants toys, and it utilizes an alternate version of Sir Mix-a-lot’s Baby Got Back. Sir Mix-a-lot even appears in the ad.I don’t know what’s more disturbing, watching the Burger King dance around to the song, or the fact that they’re using Baby Got Back to sell kid’s meals. And really, is it wise to use a song that glorifies fat asses to advertise a fast food restaurant that gives people…well…fat asses?
That aside, I found an extended version of the music video, and I must say, it’s incredible. I love it. Not quite as phenomenal as McDonald’s Filet O Fish jingle, but pretty damn close:
Here are the lyrics:
I like square butts and I cannot lie
Squid and Sea Star can’t deny
When a sponge walks in, four corners and his pen
Like he got phone book implants, the crowd shoutsAll the ladies stare
Dang those pants are square!
Swimming through the seaweed tangle
Is a butt with sharp right anglesNow Sponge Bob, I wanna get witch-ya
‘Cuz you’re making me rich-ah
Underwater, we keep it grungy
‘Cuz everybody knows that ‘He so spongey!’Ooh, Rumplespongeskin
You dance, but your hips don’t bend
So groove it and move it
If you got caboose, then prove itSponge Bob is dancing
And Squidward is glancing
He’s hatin’… wet
He’s got Sponge Bob runnin’ his setI’m tired of all these chairs
They don’t accommodate these squares
Take the average ???? tell him that
You gotta have square backMr. Krab! (yeah)
Patrick! (yeah)
Has Sponge Bob got the butt? (oh yeah)
Then shake it (shake it)
Shake it (shake it)
Shake that cubicle buttSponge Bob got back
(Naw, dude, I said cubicle, not booty-ful. Don’t trip. Yeah baby, when it comes to sea life, curves ain’t got nothin’ to do with Bob’s selection. 2 x 2 x 2 square trousers, working that black belt, looking like dotted lines. That’s how Sponge Bob like to rock them threads baby.)A word to the DC sponges who wanna get wit it
And watch Sponge Bob kick it
I gotta be straight when I say you gotta scrub ’til the break of dawn
Bob got it goin’ on, been known to rock him a thong
Them round butts won’t admit it
But they’d wear that gear if they could fit itYou can draw his body on paper
His waistline really don’t taper
Your girlfriend wants to squeeze him
Wanna push his pores and tease himBut Sponge Bob ain’t gonna have too much of that squeezin’
You other sponges don’t want none unless you rock square buns!To the new sponges in the magazines, you ain’t it Miss Thang
We rock them cubes, gals and dudes
Put it down at the goo lagoonSome other box must get jealous
At the moves that come from square fellas
See Bob and they wanna get him
But Sandy Cheeks he won’t let ‘emIf you happen to wander on land
And you wanna be a square butt fan
And drive the crew right to Burger King
And give that sponge a ringSponge Bob got back!
Tags: 00s tv commercials, 90s music, 99 cent kid's meal, baby got back, burger king, burger king spongebob commercial, filet o fish, i like square butts and I cannot lie, mcdonald's, monday night raw, sir mix-a-lot, spongebob squarepants, wwe, wwe raw
5 comments
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songspeak
ShamWow spokesman beats up prostitute, has no problem cleaning up afterwards
Vince Shlomi, spokesman for the amazing ShamWow, as seen in the following commercial, apparently beat up a prostitute recently.Fortunately, he had a supply of ShamWow towels handy to clean up the mess. It only took one ShamWow to clean up the blood, saliva, and other various juices and excretions that soiled the scene.
This guy is my new hero.
Tags: 00s tv commercials, absorbent towel, beats up prostitute, hooker, prostitute, prostitute abuse, sasha harris, shamwow, vince shlomi
1 comment
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songspeak
Give me back that Filet O’ Fish, Give me that fish
This is my new favorite commercial. I saw it about a hundred times last night. And, much like Kylie Minogue, I can’t get it out of my head:
I’ve never had a McDonald’s Filet O’ Fish in my life. But this commercial makes me want to eat a million of them. Plus, I love how the guy with the beard eating the sandwich really starts gettin’ down.
Tags: 00s tv commercials, filet o fish, filet of fish, gimme back, give me back, kylie minogue, mcdonald's, talking fish commercial
48 comments
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songspeak
McGruber/PepSuber and Richard Dean Anderson… in a Super Bowl commercial?
As a childhood MacGyver fan, the McGruber sketches that have been airing on SNL for quite awhile now are amusing to me. This past weekend, the following aired during the Steve Martin hosted episode of Saturday Night Live:
I was amused by Pepsi’s “Refresh Everything” endorsement, though a little confused when I saw this same sketch aired during Super Bowl XLIII. Are Will Forte, Kristen Wiig, and Richard Dean Anderson (who looks like he’s showing his age) that hard up for cash?
Tags: 00s tv commercials, kristen wiig, macgruber, pepsi, pepsuber, richard dean anderson, saturday night live, snl, super bowl, super bowl ads, will forte, XLIII
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songspeak
Cash4Gold Super Bowl commercial with Ed McMahon and MC Hammer
I can’t decide if it was funny, sad, or funny because it was so sad. Ed McMahon and MC Hammer hawk their wares in the Cash4Gold.com tv commercial that aired during the Super Bowl last night.
It was gold, Jerry. Gold!
Loading ...Tags: 00s tv commercials, 43, cash4gold, cash4gold.com, ed mcmahon, gold record, gold toilet, mc hammer, super bowl, super bowl ads, XLIII
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songspeak
Someone you know could be havin’ a stroke…act FAST!
There is a public service announcement commercial about strokes that’s been rearing its head often lately from the Massachusetts Department of Public Health, and no matter how many times we see it, it remains hilarious. The actual commercial, with the dude’s funky voiceover, can be seen here.
But in researching this commercial, I found a full three and a half minute cartoon music video detailing the stories of all the characters in full:
I know there’s nothing funny about strokes, but I’ll be damned if these commercials don’t try their hardest to make strokes hilarious. I mean, we even saw this commercial last week during Lost (though, to be fair, sometimes trying to figure out what’s going on on Lost can almost give you a stroke).
It appears that because it’s produced by the MA Dept. of Public Health that only us lucky Massachusetts residents get to see this commercial. Which is a shame. Because it’s gold, Jerry, gold.
And always remember, bof fry flew.
Tags: 00s tv commercials, act FAST, bof fri fleu, bof fry flew, funky voiceover, gold jerry gold, lost, massachusetts, massachusetts department of public health, public service announcement, stroke, stroke commercial
3 comments
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songspeak
I Always Feel Like, Geico’s Watchin’ Me
Geico’s done it again. They’ve put together yet another clever ad campaign that I get a kick out of. I can’t think of another company/product with so many simultaneous great ad campaigns, but it works for them. There’s the Geico gecko, the “so easy a caveman could do it“, the celebrities-assist-in-telling-an-accident story, and now the being-watched-by-the-money-you-could-be-saving campaign:
The best part about these commercials is that they utilize the 1984 Rockwell classic Somebody’s Watching Me. I used to love the video when I was a kid:
Chalk this up as another advertising win for Geico. I may not use them for my car insurance, but I sure do love their quirky out-there commercials. And any company that uses Rockwell in their commercials is gold, Jerry, gold.
Tags: 00s tv commercials, 80s music, car insurance, geico, geico commercial, geico gecko, gold jerry gold, jerry seinfeld, kash, kenny bania, money you could be saving with Geico, money you could save by switching to geico, rockwell, so easy a caveman could do it, somebody's watching me
3 comments
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songspeak
Doogie Howser, M.D. theme with SNL symphony orchestra
When Neil Patrick Harris hosted this past weekend’s Saturday Night Live, the SNL Digital Short was nothing short of awesome.It features NPH on keyboards playing the theme to his hit tv show from his (and ours) youth, Doogie Howser, M.D. The rest of the SNL cast backs him up as his orchestra.
The single tear he cries at the end really makes it.
Neil Patrick Harris seems to really have fun with his image as Doogie Howser. Check out this Old Spice commercial where he introduces himself as a former make-believe doctor… a doctor for pretend.
Tags: 00s tv commercials, cries, cry, doogie howser, m.d., make believe, neil patrick harris, old spice, orchestra, pretend, saturday night live, snl, snl digital short, symphony, tear
7 comments
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