SONGSPEAK » 00s tv commercials

Everyone knows it’s Braaa-aaad

jamie — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 20:13:48 +0000

There’s a new commercial for 7-Up featuring Brad Garrett that I’ve been seeing lately. In it, Brad gleefully songspeaks The Association hit Windy, with his own goofy lyrics. I don’t have much to say about it, except that it’s yet another example of songspeak in advertising. And I’ll be damned if that garbage truck doesn’t come close to creaming him.

jamie wrote this on 11/03/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | 1 comment so far | TAGS: 00s tv, 00s tv commercials, 7-up, 7up, brad garrett, commercial, everyone knows it's brad, everyone knows it's windy, garbage truck, the association, windy

A.1. Makes Meat Loaf Sing

jamie — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 17:49:23 +0000

Oh, Meat Loaf. You’ve songspoken in commercials before. But this new one tickles my fancy. Something about hanging out at home, cooking meatloaf in bunny slippers is amusing to me. And then enjoying that meatloaf so much that you sing a song to the tune of I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That) while pouring a giant bottle of A.1. steak sauce all over it. I love A.1. sauce. Owning a giant bottle like that would be a dream come true. Never mind that after multiple viewings of this commercial and seeing it many times on TV, I still can’t understand that the hell you’re saying in the first line. Mr. Loaf, you’ve done it again.

jamie wrote this on 09/11/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | 1 comment so far | TAGS: 00s tv comm, 00s tv commercials, a.1. sauce, a.1. steak sauce, bunny slippers, giant bottle, i would do anything for love (but i won't do that), meat loaf, meatloaf

Febreze likes to keep things fresh. And by fresh, I mean dishonest.

jamie — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 17:01:30 +0000

Don’t get me wrong. I love Febreze. I think it smells delightful. But there is a new Febreze commercial out that annoys the shit out of me whenever I see it (typically in the morning during the Today Show). Let’s take a look at the commercial first, before I proceed to rip it a new one:

Let’s start with the obvious: WTF is up with their voices? The audio is clearly dubbed in for both the mom and son, and it even seems that it’s not even the voices of those actors. I mean, seriously. It’s like they want the kid to sound like the generic prepubescent kid from the Simpsons or something.

Now, let’s pick the rest of this thing apart. The mom tells Karl she thought he had friends coming over. Look at this kid. No way in hell he has friends. But we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. Then she notices how messy and smelly his room is. And it truly is a pigsty. There’s crap everywhere, and most likely crusty bodily secretions all over the place. (She notes how bad the chair smells, and if I were her, I wouldn’t put my face so close to it, as you just KNOW he’s been sitting on that chair bare-assed every night for the past week). And the mom’s like, “oh, we’ll just clean with Febreze”. That’s fair enough to cover up Karl’s wretched stink, but look what happens when she starts spraying…the mess in his room magically disappears without either of them lifting a finger! That is a truly amazing spray!

Then, the kicker. Karl’s “friends” show up. Now, when his mom said he had friends coming over, after the shock of realizing he had friends, I figured they would just be a couple of nerds coming over to play Dungeons & Dragons or something, but it turns out to be a couple of cute girls. Yeah, right!!! Like either of those chicks would have anything to do with that pimply-faced dweeb. Then the blond chick seductively tells Karl how nice it smells in there (points for the audio possibly actually being her real voice), and he puffs his chest and acts like he’s responsible for the state of his room. What a d-bag.

So Febreze would like us to believe that a) spraying their product will not only improve the odor of your room, but also magically clean any messes within it, and b) if you’re an ugly awkward teen boy, spraying Febreze in your room will make cute girls want you to take their virginity. Who are the ad wizards that came up with that one?

But still, it’s the audio that bothers me the most. When that self-righteous little prick boasts that he likes to keep things fresh because it helps him concentrate at the end, I just want to reach through the screen and wring his scrawny little neck til his head pops off. Then dropkick it across the room.

So kudos, Febreze, on crafting one of the most ridiculous commercials in recent memory. I hope you burn in a hell that stinks like Karl’s room for eternity.

jamie wrote this on 07/22/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | 59 comments | TAGS: 00s tv commercials, crusty bodily secretions, d-bag, dbag, dubbed audio, dungeons and dragons, febreze, jizz, karl's room, keep things fresh, messed up audio, pigsty, pimply-faced dweeb, poor audio, prepubescent, self-righteous prick, squeaky voiced teen, stinky room, the simpsons, the today show, who are the ad wizards that came up with that one

Billy Mays not here anymore

jamie — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:35:05 +0000

Forget Michael Jackson. A true icon passed away yesterday. And that icon is Billy Mays. He was also 50 years old. Not a good week for pop culture. With his unmistakable voice and jet black beard, Billy Mays tried to sell us all kinds of ridiculously wonderful products. And, to the best of my knowledge, he never beat the shit out of any hookers. Probably best known for pitching Oxi Clean and Orange Glo on TV, one of my personal favorites was the Simoniz Fix It scratch remover. He really made me believe in the magic of this product, even though I never bought it. Somehow I don’t think any other products will seem quite so exciting from this point on…

R.I.P. Billy. You will truly be missed.

jamie wrote this on 06/29/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | no comments yet, be the first! | TAGS: 00s tv commercials, beats up prostitute, billy mays, billy mays dead, icon, jet black beard, michael jackson, orange glo, oxi clean, pop culture icon, scratch remover, simoniz fix it, vince schlomi

Panormous my ASS!

jamie — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 14:37:50 +0000

Awhile back, Pizza Hut introduced their Panormous pizza, which they call their largest pan pizza ever. I remember something seemed off in the commercial when it originally aired, and then last night I saw they started airing the commercials again. I have many bones to pick with Pizza Hut about this, and unfortunately, there are no decent quality videos of the commercial, so here’s the only one I could find:

Really, Pizza Hut?!

The first thing that jumps out at me, and the thing that always rubs me the wrong way, is how the Panormous logo is so obviously photoshopped onto the box. It’s obviously not really ON the box, and doesn’t move properly as they pass the box around.

Then, the announcer says, “A pizza so big, it never ends!”

REALLY!?!

It NEVER ends?! What an absolutely ridiculous statement to make. At some point, the pizza will be finished. It WILL end. You can tell by the size of the box in the commercial that it’s much smaller than most local pizza joints’ party size pizzas. Add that to the fact that it only has 16 pieces. 16!!! I could polish off 16 pieces of pizza in my sleep, yet these jackoffs can’t finish an entire Panormous pizza? I counted the people in the commercial. There are 18 people that appear. That pizza won’t even be enough for one slice each, yet they claim it never ends? Ridiculous. And then there’s that guy that says (even though if you count the people, he should be taking the last slice), “We are never gonna finish this!” What a dick.

And the silliest part of all? It’s not even ONE pizza! It’s 2 pizzas in one big box! So it shouldn’t say “Our biggest pan pizza ever!” on the box, it should say, “Our biggest box that contains pizza ever!” and then in fine print, “And it’s still smaller than most other pizza places’ largest available pizza”.

Gather ’round the good stuff, my ass. More like gather ’round the lying, hypocritical douchebags. Ya hear that, Queen Latifah? Stuff that in your pizza box and eat it.

jamie wrote this on 04/08/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | 6 comments | TAGS: 00s tv commercials, a pizza so big it never ends, gather 'round the good stuff, lying hypocritical douchebags, panormous, party size pizza, pizza hut, queen latifah, really

You other sponges don’t want none unless you rock square buns

jamie — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 18:13:01 +0000

So last night I was watching Monday Night Raw, as usual. And then a commercial came on for Burger King that had my wife Jo in hysterics. It was for the new 99 cent kid’s meals with Spongebob Squarepants toys, and it utilizes an alternate version of Sir Mix-a-lot’s Baby Got Back. Sir Mix-a-lot even appears in the ad.

I don’t know what’s more disturbing, watching the Burger King dance around to the song, or the fact that they’re using Baby Got Back to sell kid’s meals. And really, is it wise to use a song that glorifies fat asses to advertise a fast food restaurant that gives people…well…fat asses?

That aside, I found an extended version of the music video, and I must say, it’s incredible. I love it. Not quite as phenomenal as McDonald’s Filet O Fish jingle, but pretty damn close:

Here are the lyrics:

I like square butts and I cannot lie
Squid and Sea Star can’t deny
When a sponge walks in, four corners and his pen
Like he got phone book implants, the crowd shouts

All the ladies stare
Dang those pants are square!
Swimming through the seaweed tangle
Is a butt with sharp right angles

Now Sponge Bob, I wanna get witch-ya
‘Cuz you’re making me rich-ah
Underwater, we keep it grungy
‘Cuz everybody knows that ‘He so spongey!’

Ooh, Rumplespongeskin
You dance, but your hips don’t bend
So groove it and move it
If you got caboose, then prove it

Sponge Bob is dancing
And Squidward is glancing
He’s hatin’… wet
He’s got Sponge Bob runnin’ his set

I’m tired of all these chairs
They don’t accommodate these squares
Take the average ???? tell him that
You gotta have square back

Mr. Krab! (yeah)
Patrick! (yeah)
Has Sponge Bob got the butt? (oh yeah)
Then shake it (shake it)
Shake it (shake it)
Shake that cubicle butt

Sponge Bob got back
(Naw, dude, I said cubicle, not booty-ful. Don’t trip. Yeah baby, when it comes to sea life, curves ain’t got nothin’ to do with Bob’s selection. 2 x 2 x 2 square trousers, working that black belt, looking like dotted lines. That’s how Sponge Bob like to rock them threads baby.)

A word to the DC sponges who wanna get wit it
And watch Sponge Bob kick it
I gotta be straight when I say you gotta scrub ’til the break of dawn
Bob got it goin’ on, been known to rock him a thong
Them round butts won’t admit it
But they’d wear that gear if they could fit it

You can draw his body on paper
His waistline really don’t taper
Your girlfriend wants to squeeze him
Wanna push his pores and tease him

But Sponge Bob ain’t gonna have too much of that squeezin’
You other sponges don’t want none unless you rock square buns!

To the new sponges in the magazines, you ain’t it Miss Thang
We rock them cubes, gals and dudes
Put it down at the goo lagoon

Some other box must get jealous
At the moves that come from square fellas
See Bob and they wanna get him
But Sandy Cheeks he won’t let ‘em

If you happen to wander on land
And you wanna be a square butt fan
And drive the crew right to Burger King
And give that sponge a ring

Sponge Bob got back!

jamie wrote this on 04/07/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | 6 comments | TAGS: 00s tv commercials, 90s music, 99 cent kid's meal, baby got back, burger king, burger king spongebob commercial, filet o fish, i like square butts and I cannot lie, mcdonald's, monday night raw, sir mix-a-lot, spongebob squarepants, wwe, wwe raw

ShamWow spokesman beats up prostitute, has no problem cleaning up afterwards

jamie — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:21:16 +0000

Vince Shlomi, spokesman for the amazing ShamWow, as seen in the following commercial, apparently beat up a prostitute recently.

Fortunately, he had a supply of ShamWow towels handy to clean up the mess. It only took one ShamWow to clean up the blood, saliva, and other various juices and excretions that soiled the scene.

This guy is my new hero.

jamie wrote this on 03/30/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | 1 comment so far | TAGS: 00s tv commercials, absorbent towel, beats up prostitute, hooker, prostitute, prostitute abuse, sasha harris, shamwow, vince shlomi

Give me back that Filet O’ Fish, Give me that fish

jamie — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:42:51 +0000

This is my new favorite commercial. I saw it about a hundred times last night. And, much like Kylie Minogue, I can’t get it out of my head:

I’ve never had a McDonald’s Filet O’ Fish in my life. But this commercial makes me want to eat a million of them. Plus, I love how the guy with the beard eating the sandwich really starts gettin’ down.

** UPDATE: There is a new version for 2010. The two dudes are in a car watching last year’s commercial on a cell phone. Click here to see the 2010 version.

jamie wrote this on 02/27/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | 67 comments | TAGS: 00s tv commercials, filet o fish, filet of fish, gimme back, give me back, kylie minogue, mcdonald's, talking fish commercial

McGruber/PepSuber and Richard Dean Anderson… in a Super Bowl commercial?

matt — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 13:10:42 +0000

As a childhood MacGyver fan, the McGruber sketches that have been airing on SNL for quite awhile now are amusing to me. This past weekend, the following aired during the Steve Martin hosted episode of Saturday Night Live:

I was amused by Pepsi’s “Refresh Everything” endorsement, though a little confused when I saw this same sketch aired during Super Bowl XLIII. Are Will Forte, Kristen Wiig, and Richard Dean Anderson (who looks like he’s showing his age) that hard up for cash?

matt wrote this on 02/02/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | no comments yet, be the first! | TAGS: 00s tv commercials, kristen wiig, macgruber, pepsi, pepsuber, richard dean anderson, saturday night live, snl, super bowl, super bowl ads, will forte, XLIII

Cash4Gold Super Bowl commercial with Ed McMahon and MC Hammer

matt — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 12:51:33 +0000

I can’t decide if it was funny, sad, or funny because it was so sad. Ed McMahon and MC Hammer hawk their wares in the Cash4Gold.com tv commercial that aired during the Super Bowl last night.

It was gold, Jerry. Gold!

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

matt wrote this on 02/02/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | no comments yet, be the first! | TAGS: 00s tv commercials, 43, cash4gold, cash4gold.com, ed mcmahon, gold record, gold toilet, mc hammer, super bowl, super bowl ads, XLIII

Someone you know could be havin’ a stroke…act FAST!

jamie — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:09:13 +0000

There is a public service announcement commercial about strokes that’s been rearing its head often lately from the Massachusetts Department of Public Health, and no matter how many times we see it, it remains hilarious. The actual commercial, with the dude’s funky voiceover, can be seen here.

But in researching this commercial, I found a full three and a half minute cartoon music video detailing the stories of all the characters in full:

I know there’s nothing funny about strokes, but I’ll be damned if these commercials don’t try their hardest to make strokes hilarious. I mean, we even saw this commercial last week during Lost (though, to be fair, sometimes trying to figure out what’s going on on Lost can almost give you a stroke).

It appears that because it’s produced by the MA Dept. of Public Health that only us lucky Massachusetts residents get to see this commercial. Which is a shame. Because it’s gold, Jerry, gold.

And always remember, bof fry flew.

jamie wrote this on 01/28/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | 3 comments | TAGS: 00s tv commercials, act FAST, bof fri fleu, bof fry flew, funky voiceover, gold jerry gold, lost, massachusetts, massachusetts department of public health, public service announcement, stroke, stroke commercial

I Always Feel Like, Geico’s Watchin’ Me

jamie — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 15:33:04 +0000

Geico’s done it again. They’ve put together yet another clever ad campaign that I get a kick out of. I can’t think of another company/product with so many simultaneous great ad campaigns, but it works for them. There’s the Geico gecko, the “so easy a caveman could do it“, the celebrities-assist-in-telling-an-accident story, and now the being-watched-by-the-money-you-could-be-saving campaign:

The best part about these commercials is that they utilize the 1984 Rockwell classic Somebody’s Watching Me. I used to love the video when I was a kid:

Chalk this up as another advertising win for Geico. I may not use them for my car insurance, but I sure do love their quirky out-there commercials. And any company that uses Rockwell in their commercials is gold, Jerry, gold.

jamie wrote this on 01/23/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | 5 comments | TAGS: 00s tv commercials, 80s music, car insurance, geico, geico commercial, geico gecko, gold jerry gold, jerry seinfeld, kash, kenny bania, money you could be saving with Geico, money you could save by switching to geico, rockwell, so easy a caveman could do it, somebody's watching me

Doogie Howser, M.D. theme with SNL symphony orchestra

matt — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 04:58:40 +0000

When Neil Patrick Harris hosted this past weekend’s Saturday Night Live, the SNL Digital Short was nothing short of awesome.

It features NPH on keyboards playing the theme to his hit tv show from his (and ours) youth, Doogie Howser, M.D. The rest of the SNL cast backs him up as his orchestra.

The single tear he cries at the end really makes it.

Neil Patrick Harris seems to really have fun with his image as Doogie Howser. Check out this Old Spice commercial where he introduces himself as a former make-believe doctor… a doctor for pretend.

matt wrote this on 01/16/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | 7 comments | TAGS: 00s tv commercials, cries, cry, doogie howser, m.d., make believe, neil patrick harris, old spice, orchestra, pretend, saturday night live, snl, snl digital short, symphony, tear

Are you Ready? Prepare to Lick!

songspeak — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 19:36:20 +0000

There will soon be a ‘lick-off’ showdown between Eli and Peyton Manning and Venus and Serena Williams. It happens January 18th, 2009, according to DSRL.com, the official site of the Double Stuf Racing League, a cheeky satirical national sports league approach to selling Double Stuf Oreos.

This is serious business, though. Haven’t you seen all the DSRL commercials on television?

From DSRL:

Hold onto your milk, there’s going to be unbelievable cookie action when the Williams sisters and the Mannings brothers lick off for the DSRL crown on January 18, 2009.

The two sets of siblings are set to lick off against each other in an event that has been dubbed in some circles as “The Thrilla with Vanilla”. One thing is for sure, cookies will crumble!

The amusing DSRL commercials that have been airing periodically the past year or so features the DSRL theme song, one of the more awesomer theme songs to hit television commercials IMHO. It’s by Lords Of The Future, who we could find no information about on the interwebs, sadly.

Just listen to the awesomness in all its double stuffed glory:

LYRICS:

its the league of the future
for mighty and the bold
legends will be made
once the fever takes hold
enter the arena
battle for the crown
who will be the victor
who’s the best around

DSRL

make like the thunder
twist like the wind
dunk like a volcano
its time for us to win

DSRL

game day has arrived
the future is now
are you ready?
prepare to lick!!!!!!!!!!!

songspeak wrote this on 01/09/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | no comments yet, be the first! | TAGS: 00s tv commercials, double stuf, double stuf racing league, double stuff, double stuffed, dsrl, eli manning, lick off, lords of the future, nabisco, oreo, oreos, peyton manning, serena williams, thrilla with vanilla, venus williams

This is Howie do it

jamie — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 15:31:00 +0000

Let's flip the track, bring the old school back

This past weekend, I saw some commercials on NBC for a rather disturbing new series. It’s called Howie Do It, and involves Howie Mandel (of A Fine Mess, Walk Like a Man, and more recently, Deal or No Deal fame) playing practical jokes on everyday average people.

I liked it the first time when it was called the Jamie Kennedy Experiment, and then the second time when it was called Punk’d with Ashton Kutcher. But do we really need another one of these shows? With Howie Mandel of all people? I mean, the dude can’t even touch another person due to his debilitating fear of germs, but he’s going to spray shit at people for kicks?

And don’t even get me started on the punniness of the title. Montell Jordan would be rolling over in his grave.

If he were dead.

jamie wrote this on 12/22/08 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | 5 comments | TAGS: 00s tv, 00s tv commercials, 80s movies, 90s music, a fine mess, ashton kutcher, deal or no deal, fear of germs, hidden camera shows, howie do it, howie mandel, jamie kennedy, jamie kennedy experiment, montell jordan, mysophobia, nbc, practical jokes, pranks, punk'd, punniness, this is how we do it, walk like a man