you can't stand under our umbrella
With the increasing popularity of satellite radio, podcasts, and easy-to-access digital music, it’s becoming more and more apparent that FM radio is a dying medium. I’m ashamed to say that I still listen to the radio on occasion in my car, and usually the radio is on in the background in my office all day every day. So there must still be people that listen to it. But just because it’s dying doesn’t mean the DJ’s should be so ignorant and ill-informed. Call me old-fashioned, but a professional DJ should be at least a little familiar with the topics that they’re broadcasting about. I am no professional DJ, but sometimes I feel like I know about a million times more than they do about the most simple pop culture topics.
My disdain for DJ’s started about 10 years ago when I called in and won free passes to an advance screening of Meet the Parents. Dan and Kim from the 93.1 morning show were at the screening and played a little trivia game with the crowd before the movie. This is a pop music station, and not once, but TWICE, Dan said, “George Michaels”. He wasn’t saying it in the possessive form, he just thought that was his name. Most people know his name is George Michael, singular. Most people also know he’s a sketchy driver and enjoys the occasional men’s restroom rendezvous, but that’s neither here nor there. Dan and Kim have been on the radio for what seems like forever, you should know the names of the artists that are played heavily on your playlist.
My disdain grew by leaps and bounds recently when two separate DJ’s on two different radio stations (on the same day!) made ridiculous statements that prove they have no point being on the air.
The first was Leslie on Lazer 99.3. Diamond Eyes by Shinedown played, and when the song finished, Leslie started talking about the video. She talked about how it featured scenes from Rambo with all kinds of explosions, etc., etc. I thought it was random to have scenes from such an old movie, but whatever. But upon further inspection, it’s actually a song from The Expendables soundtrack, featuring scenes from THAT movie interspersed with the band performing in concert. It may have been a simple slip of the tongue, but seriously, Leslie, get your head out of your ass. Here’s the video, for those interested:
The second was courtesy of Rachel Marisay on mix 93.1. She was talking about the Black Eyed Peas halftime show during the Super Bowl the night before. First of all, she’s so oblivious, she thought they did a good job. Second of all, she then introduced I Gotta Feeling as the song “that started it all”. Really, Rachel? You’re sure they didn’t have any hits before that? Or an entire album of hits? Or artists within the group that have released solo albums since the first Black Eyed Peas album? For Christ’s sake…the station plays Let’s Get it Started on a regular basis, and that song is from YEARS ago. Song that started it all my ass. And as far as their halftime show goes, let’s see what ESPN’s online poll showed:
Looks like you’re right on the money there, too, Rachel.
God, DJ’s are the worst.
Tags: 00s music, 10s music, 80s music, black eyed peas, dan and kim, diamond eyes, DJ, dying medium, espn, FM radio, george michael, halftime show, i gotta feeling, lazer 99.3, leslie, leslie in the morning, let's get it started, meet the parents, mix 93.1, morning show, podcasts, rachel marisay, satellite radio, shinedown, super bowl, sylvester stallone, the expendables
Every day on mix 93.1, I’ve been hearing Mike Posner’s Cooler Than Me. And every day it grates on my nerves just a little bit more. Mike, I don’t think I’m cooler than you, I know I’m cooler than you. And I’m a bald dude in my mid 30′s that’s as dorky as they come. In fact, I’m pretty sure everyone is cooler than you. No one wants to listen to you whine that you’re being neglected by some skank. I don’t care if you’re on the radio, or if you’re even moderately successful, you really just do seem uncool. Your music is bland and you sound like every other boy band reject. And then I saw the video for the song…whoa, Justin Timberlake much? Maybe you should change your name to Mike POSER.
Heh, nailed it.
So I’ve been hearing a new song on mix 93.1 that I kinda like. Apparently, it’s sung by La Roux, and I always thought it was called “Burnin’ Through” because that’s what it sounds like she says. Apparently I’m horribly mistaken and it’s called “Bulletproof“. Man, is my face red.
On a side note, my co-worker described her as the girl who looks like Clay Aiken with a mohawk. You be the judge:
The Jennifer Lopez classic Love Don’t Cost a Thing was on Mix 93.1 earlier today while I was working, and it reminded me of when the song first came out. I’ve always thought she says, “think I work at CVS, I don’t” at one point. I know those aren’t the actual lyrics, though. In fact, I don’t think I know what the actual lyrics are. After a quick google search, I’ve determine they must be, “think you gotta keep me iced, you don’t”.
John Mellencamp (John Cougar? John Cougar Mellencamp?) is a mainstay on mix 93.1, which I listen to daily in my office. Jack and Diane is one of his more popular hits, and I hear it at least a couple times a week. One of the lines from the song is, “change comes around real soon, makes us women and men”, but if I’m not paying attention, it sounds like he says, “makes us swimmin’ in men”. I know those aren’t the real lyrics, but if you listen, it really sounds like that’s what he’s saying. Listen for yourself! (As an aside, how oss are the handclaps at the beginning?):
Another song that Matt and I heard numerous times on the radio when we shared an office was Breathe by Faith Hill. I still hear it more often than anyone ever should, actually, thanks to mix 93.1. It truly is one of the queerest songs in existence, and the lyrics are awful, which is why we usually come up with our own. Whenever she gets to the part where she sings, “I can feel you breathe”, I’d sing, “I can smell your pee”. Is that kinda gross? Yeah. So what? Don’t judge me!
I also clearly remember Matt, whenever she belted out, “Just breathe!”, would sing, “Jaspreet”. I guess he thought the song was about an Indian gentleman.
So there you have it. Thanks for nothing, Faith Hill!
Who doesn’t like Bryan Adams?
Well, everyone, as far as I can tell. But that doesn’t stop them from playing his songs on the radio. It’s one of those unfortunate facts of life. The song that I tend to hear the most by him on mix 93.1 during the workday is Heaven.
When I hear it, I recall a songspeak moment from Matt’s and my past when we shared an office. We were diligently working, as usual, and Heaven came on the radio. And the chorus begins:
Baby you’re all that I want
When you’re lyin’ here in my arms
I’m findin’ it hard to believe
We’re in heaven
But as the song was playing, I sang along, “I’m findin’ it hard to believe, you’re just seven”. I was amused by the thought of Bryan Adams having a torrid affair with a child and writing a song about it. I mean, after all, he’s Canadian. It wouldn’t be that surprising.
I still think of that whenever I hear the song. And the next time you hear it, just replace the words “we’re in heaven” with “you’re just seven”, and every other instance of the word “heaven” with “seven”. The song will take on a whole new meaning, I promise you.
Screw you Bryan Adams, you pedophile.
My co-worker has alternate lyrics for the chorus, though, that she sang either back in high school or college. Instead of “we built this city on rock and roll”, they used to sing, “we all got shitty on rum and coke“. And though we occupy different offices at work, we both typically have mix 93.1 playing throughout the day, and whenever the song comes on, she’ll usually send me an IM with her alternate lyrics.
It’s nice to know that long before the term songspeak was conceived, people were songspeaking their hearts out.
One of the more recent ridiculously overplayed songs on mix 93.1 here is Chasing Pavements by Adele. It’s been getting airplay for quite some time, and when it was first being played, I never paid close attention to it and thought she was singing, “Should I give up or should I just keep chasing penguins?” I thought it was kind of a weird line, but whatever floats Adele’s boat. Who am I to judge?
Then one day I heard the DJ announce the song as Chasing Pavements. And that line, to me anyway, is just as ridiculous as “chasing penguins”. How the eff do you pluralize “pavement”? Or chase it? The whole thing reeks of retardation. Maybe she should stay in the U.K. where she belongs. We don’t want her superfluous pluralizations soiling our rich American heritage, thankyouverymuch.
I’m sure everyone remembers Alicia Keys‘ first single, Fallin’. But what I want to know is, why does she keep singing, “I keep on fallin’, in love, with a ewe”? I mean, to each her own, I suppose, but I find it odd that, not only was she willing to write a song documenting her love affair with sheep, but that so many mainstream radio stations were willing to play it, considering the controversial nature.
We’re pretty open-minded here at Songspeak, so Alicia Keys, if you want to engage in erotic behavior with barnyard animals, that’s nobody’s business but your own. But hearing your song on the radio today made me realize what a freaky-deak you are.
Good luck in your endeavors. I hope you and your woolly lover find true happiness.
Tags: 00s music, alicia keys, alicia keys loves a ewe, alicia keys loves sheep, barnyard animals, beastiality, bestiality, erotic behavior, ewe, fallin', freaky deak, in love with a ewe, mix 93.1, sheep