DJ Steve Porter

Not to ruin it or anything, but two things to note:
- A special cameo by the b-boys from Breakin’.
- The line, “you’re going to love my nuts” gets a pretty sweet remix

Everything DOES sound better auto-tuned! This is just classic. Thanks, AdFreak!

Here are the lyrics:

Hi it’s Vince with Slap Chop
You’re gonna be in a great mood all day
Cuz you’re gonna be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop
Slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop

Now look, here’s a potato, one slap
You got big chunks for stews
Two slaps? Homefries in a second
Now look at this, you add a mushroom
the more you do it, the finer it gets
You don’t have to switch any blades

Now, you love salad, you hate making it
You know you hate making salad
That’s why you don’t have any salad in your diet
Watch this, one slap, salad

Soup, cole slaw, stuff you want
Five seconds– four, five seconds, it’s done

This thing, this tuna, looks boring
Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life
Add this tuna, put it like this
Now you’re have an exciting life now

Here’s a hard boiled egg
One chop, add the pickle, you add the green onion
And what you can do,  you can mix things together
You add the ham, and you’re  gonna love this
You don’t have time to make breakfast
Breakfast to go

Watch this
You’re gonna love my nuts
Watch this
You’re gonna watch this
What about fruit?
Put a mango
Watch this

Look at that, isn’t that beautiful on your ice cream?
The reason you’re going to slap away every day
Is that it’s so easy to clean
1… 2… and it pops open like that

Now the other ones that you seen in the stores
Bacteria gets in the food
All the stores have this
You can’t clean it, you can’t open this up
It’s worthless, forget about it

Now, take the Slap Chop, put it back together
Just put the Slap Chop right there
The skin’s at the bottom
The skin comes right off

Alright, put a tomato in there
Add your cilantro, your hot peppers right there
You hit it like this

Guys, we’re gonna make America skinny again…
One slap at a time

Hi it’s Vince with Slap Chop
You’re gonna be in a great mood all day
Cuz you’re gonna be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop
Slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop

It’s easy
You just got one hand and
Chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop…

Watch this
Tacos, fetuccini, linguini, martini, bikini

Another great thing from the actual infomercial is this great line:

“Life’s hard enough as it is, you don’t want to cry anymore”

It was the inspiration for State Shirt’s new SongFight submitted song (and video), I Am A Target

So I just kinda started piecing together parts of the original Slap Chop commercial, and found that some of the voice samples were downright somber when taken out of context. Started to write a song around the samples and quickly realized that this track could work out well as a SongFight entry. After some guitar, piano, synths, drums and vocals, the song was finished in a few hours.

Songspeak is rooting for you.

matt wrote this on 05/12/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | 1 comment so far | TAGS: as seen on tv, auto-tune, autotune, b-boys, breakin', chopper, dj steve porter, infomercial, rap, rap chop, remix, shamwow, slap chop, slapping your troubles away, vince shlomi, voice modulator, you're going to love my nuts

Fortunately, he had a supply of ShamWow towels handy to clean up the mess. It only took one ShamWow to clean up the blood, saliva, and other various juices and excretions that soiled the scene.

This guy is my new hero.

jamie wrote this on 03/30/09 for SONGSPEAK which is a pretty awesome blog. | post permalink | 1 comment so far | TAGS: 00s tv commercials, absorbent towel, beats up prostitute, hooker, prostitute, prostitute abuse, sasha harris, shamwow, vince shlomi