Archives!

TAG: wwe raw

• songspeak

  You other sponges don’t want none unless you rock square buns

  posted by jamie | 04.07.09 | permalink | 6 comments

  So last night I was watching Monday Night Raw, as usual. And then a commercial came on for Burger King that had my wife Jo in hysterics. It was for the new 99 cent kid’s meals with Spongebob Squarepants toys, and it utilizes an alternate version of Sir Mix-a-lot’s Baby Got Back. Sir Mix-a-lot even appears in the ad.

  I don’t know what’s more disturbing, watching the Burger King dance around to the song, or the fact that they’re using Baby Got Back to sell kid’s meals. And really, is it wise to use a song that glorifies fat asses to advertise a fast food restaurant that gives people…well…fat asses?

  That aside, I found an extended version of the music video, and I must say, it’s incredible. I love it. Not quite as phenomenal as McDonald’s Filet O Fish jingle, but pretty damn close:

  Here are the lyrics:

  I like square butts and I cannot lie
  Squid and Sea Star can’t deny
  When a sponge walks in, four corners and his pen
  Like he got phone book implants, the crowd shouts

  All the ladies stare
  Dang those pants are square!
  Swimming through the seaweed tangle
  Is a butt with sharp right angles

  Now Sponge Bob, I wanna get witch-ya
  ‘Cuz you’re making me rich-ah
  Underwater, we keep it grungy
  ‘Cuz everybody knows that ‘He so spongey!’

  Ooh, Rumplespongeskin
  You dance, but your hips don’t bend
  So groove it and move it
  If you got caboose, then prove it

  Sponge Bob is dancing
  And Squidward is glancing
  He’s hatin’… wet
  He’s got Sponge Bob runnin’ his set

  I’m tired of all these chairs
  They don’t accommodate these squares
  Take the average ???? tell him that
  You gotta have square back

  Mr. Krab! (yeah)
  Patrick! (yeah)
  Has Sponge Bob got the butt? (oh yeah)
  Then shake it (shake it)
  Shake it (shake it)
  Shake that cubicle butt

  Sponge Bob got back
  (Naw, dude, I said cubicle, not booty-ful. Don’t trip. Yeah baby, when it comes to sea life, curves ain’t got nothin’ to do with Bob’s selection. 2 x 2 x 2 square trousers, working that black belt, looking like dotted lines. That’s how Sponge Bob like to rock them threads baby.)

  A word to the DC sponges who wanna get wit it
  And watch Sponge Bob kick it
  I gotta be straight when I say you gotta scrub ’til the break of dawn
  Bob got it goin’ on, been known to rock him a thong
  Them round butts won’t admit it
  But they’d wear that gear if they could fit it

  You can draw his body on paper
  His waistline really don’t taper
  Your girlfriend wants to squeeze him
  Wanna push his pores and tease him

  But Sponge Bob ain’t gonna have too much of that squeezin’
  You other sponges don’t want none unless you rock square buns!

  To the new sponges in the magazines, you ain’t it Miss Thang
  We rock them cubes, gals and dudes
  Put it down at the goo lagoon

  Some other box must get jealous
  At the moves that come from square fellas
  See Bob and they wanna get him
  But Sandy Cheeks he won’t let ‘em

  If you happen to wander on land
  And you wanna be a square butt fan
  And drive the crew right to Burger King
  And give that sponge a ring

  Sponge Bob got back!

  Tags: 00s tv commercials, 90s music, 99 cent kid's meal, baby got back, burger king, burger king spongebob commercial, filet o fish, i like square butts and I cannot lie, mcdonald's, monday night raw, sir mix-a-lot, spongebob squarepants, wwe, wwe raw

  6 comments

• songspeak

  Vince McMahon Gets Rickrolled on RAW

  posted by jamie | 06.10.08 | permalink | 2 comments

  Last night was the first night of Million Dollar Mania on Monday Night RAW . Vince McMahon is basically giving away $1,000,000 every week on RAW until he feels like stopping. Fans register on wwe.com, and are given a password at the beginning of the show. Vince then calls people thoughout the 2 hour broadcast, asks for the password , and gives away some money.

  Well, his first phone call (in addition to making three attempts to get through) had unexpected and hilarious results. First of all, it seems Vince McMahon has never dialed a phone before. Second of all, it seems he has no idea what a reverse ringtone is. On top of that, the reverse ringtone in question rickrolled Vince McMahon and the entire RAW audience. I don’t know what’s the funniest part of the video; Vince’s buffoonery, his goofy old man glasses, the reverse ringtone, or the announcers:
  

  Tags: 00s tv, 80s music, million dollar mania, monday night raw, never gonna give you up, raw, reverse ringtone, rick astley, rickroll, rickrolled, vince mcmahon, wwe, wwe raw

  2 comments

• songspeak

  Presidential candidates lay the smack down

  posted by jamie | 04.22.08 | permalink | 1 comment

  Perhaps this falls under the banner of wrestlespeak more than songspeak, but last night on WWE RAW, the three main presidential candidates (Clinton, Obama, and McCain) made pre-recorded comments to air during the show.

  Yes, I enjoy wrestling, and yes, most wrestling fans get a bad rap and are stereotyped into the “unintelligent trailer trash” category. However, most wrestling fans are just average people who watch wrestling as any other form of entertainment.

  So imagine how I felt my intelligence to be insulted when watching these candidates’ comments. Not only did they talk in circles and not actually say anything, they littered their mini-speeches with lame wrestling metaphors and catchphrases of wrestlers who haven’t been active for about 6 or 7 years (most notably, The Rock). If you’re going to try to relate to your audience, wouldn’t it make sense to, you know, make some more current references? Good God, I was half-expecting John McCain to say, “Where’s the beef?” Don’t get me wrong, hearing Barack Obama say “If you smell what Barack is cookin’” was pure gold, but I just got the feeling I was being talked down to. It was obvious they know nothing about the WWE and were just spouting lines. They blew a good opportunity to say something real and intelligent and instead let some speechwriter make it obvious that they knew nothing of their audience. And it didn’t help McCain’s case that his message appeared last and he used the same “If you smell what the Mac is cookin’” line.

  Below is a snippet of each candidate’s clip so you can see for yourself.
  

  

  Tags: 00s tv, Barack Obama, dwayne johnson, hillary clinton, john mccain, raw, smackdown, the rock, trailer trash, wendy's, where's the beef, wrestling, wwe, wwe raw

  1 comment