Today Show gurls are so forgettable

OK, so I’m almost 2 weeks late on this, but I feel I must take on the seemingly annual tradition of tearing apart Katy Perry’s Today Show appearance/performance. For the third straight summer, Katy Perry captivated (and I use that term very loosely) a crowd in the plaza. She performed three songs, one of which was a reworking of the classic I Kissed a Girl. Because 2 year old songs are ripe for reimaginings. Anyway, here she is performing her big summer anthem, California Gurls:

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First of all, I’m not exactly sure what a “gurl” is, but tells me it’s “the way of spelling girl, favourd by girls below the age of 14 or dyslexics”. Now if I could only figure out what “favourd” means. But I digress…

I understand that the whole theme for Katy Perry’s album and the video for the song is a big Candyland wonderland. Fair enough. But seriously, how do you perform this song and NOT have your backup singers and dancers wearing daisy dukes and bikini tops? It just makes the whole song seem so pointless. I don’t like being lied to. Unless, of course, they aren’t from California, in which case they get a pass. But let’s take a look at this video a little more closely, shall we?

0:38 – That mohawked blond Pink-wannabe is really goin’ crazy.

1:15 – WTF are those gummy bear things? They look too small to be an adult, but too big to be a kid or midget. I’m frightened that it’s not a costume.

1:56 – Once again, there are girls singing along that are way to young to be into a song about sex on the beach and melting dudes’ popsicles.

2:03 – Nice dance moves, Katy. Wonder if she hired a professional choreographer for that bit.

2:26 – I’m pretty sure this lady has no idea where she is or what’s happening right now.

2:38 – Her request of the crowd to “help me out” results in dead silence.

3:20 – The hosts in fluorescent pink wigs. These are the professionals that keep us up to date on the war in Iraq and break the news about natural disasters involving people dying. Singing about melting my popsicle.

3:37 – I’m pretty sure that Marilyn Monroe lookalike dancer just broke out the sprinkler move.

4:15 – The best part. The end.

Is it me or does it seem like she’s just phoning in this performance? It almost seems like even she’s sick of hearing this song.

I guess there’s really only one thing left to say: Godspeed, Russell Brand.

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  1. 1. How old are you? 21 2. Do you think hooking up is okay? Yes. 3. Would you prfeer to have a random hook up or be in a relationship? Right now I prfeer random hook ups until I find someone I want to be in a relationship with. 4. What’s your secret to a good make out sesh? Don’t just stick to the mouth. Kiss the neck, run your fingers through his hair. 5. Describe your favorite thing for your partner to do while hooking up. Kiss my neck. 6. Are you more likely to hook up with someone from school, a family friend, or a random person you meet at a party? For just a one night hook up? A random person. 7. Have you ever hooked up with another gURL? Once I made out with a girl at a party because two guys requested that we did. We told them we would if they did they obliged so we went for it too. 8. What do you consider “hooking up”? Is touching considered “hooking up”? Is sex? Hooking up is a wonderfully vague term that you can use to let someone know that you did SOMETHING sexual with that person but you don’t have to divulge all the dirty details. I consider it anything from making up to having sex. 9. Have you ever fallen for someone you’ve hooked up with? Yes. 10. Did someone you’ve hooked up with ever fall for you? Yes. 11. Are you currently hooking up? Not regularly with one person. 12. Is there a difference between hooking up and being friends with benefits? No. Friends with benefits means friends that hook up. 13. What celeb would you hook up with (just hooking up though)? There’s a long list. 14. Did you ever regret a hook up? No. 15. Do you usually initiate the hooking up or do you wait for them to come to you? They almost always initiate. 16. Have you ever hooked up with someone who was hooking up with someone else? Probably. 17. Have you ever hooked up with someone while hooking up with someone else yourself? Yes. 18. What was your best experience hooking up? The first time I hooked up with my crush of five years. 19. What was your worst experience hooking up? A guy who tried to go down on me but had no clue what to do once he was down there. 20. Could you see yourself hooking up more with a certain person in the future?

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